It’s been seven years since my incredible Grandfather John left this earth to Bladder Cancer. Everyday is still hard without him. To this day, I can’t comprehend why and how this even happened. My grandfather always gave me hope. He knew I hated the words “you’re going to be ok.” My Grandfather stopped saying these words to me when he was diagnosed with cancer. I miss his smile, laughter, and dancing like crazy! My Grandfather’s dance was the greatest.
There is not a moment that goes by when I don’t think about him. I hate to admit, I feel like he isn’t with me. And, if he is? I need a sign, BIG TIME! I look up to the sky everyday and say, “Hey you, are you watching over me?” I wish he would answer back. Everyday seems to get harder and harder without him here. I don’t think any of us will ever heal from this. People say “time heals all wounds.” Well, I can tell you for a fact that is a big NO for me.
Reliving this moment during a nightmare makes it harder to live life. It kills me that my Grandmother is all alone in her house. I wish I could take her pain away. I am grateful my family lives close to keep an eye on her. I wish he would have met my baby, Dory. Papa would have loved her. Most of all, to see my beautiful nieces and nephew grow up. That is what kill me the most.
My Grandfather only had the chance to meet my Ava. She’s 10 now! He would be smiling ear to ear. Papa never got to meet my handsome Nephew, JJ. My little man is a little baseball player. I know for sure he would be at every baseball game!
You can’t forget my little girl, Briella. She’s a pip and she knows it. My Grandfather would be hysterical the way she talks.
The one thing I love the most about him is that he favorited all of us. We have the best memories and when I am down, I think of amazing memories we had, especially our East Hampton summer home, playing bocce ball, and the beach trips. Life was the greatest back then.
Life is never going to be the same without him. There will always be a big hole in my heart, no pun intended. You should be here with all of us and it is NOT okay that you’re not.
I’m grateful my Grandfather got to meet Nick and have a talk with him the day before he passed. He said quietly, as the both of us were on the couch next to each other, “Nick, I want to talk to you.” I will always remember reading his lips, saying “You make sure you take care of my girl forever.” Nick responded that he would.
Happy Birthday in heaven my papa. We love and miss you more than anything. Show me a sign or two here and there. Play Bocce ball and drink cold beers!!!
I love you always and forever…
Your favorite Granddaughter