Scan Day = Scanxiety

On August 29th, 2019, My Mother and her friend took me to Mayo Clinic for a hell of a long day of scans, blood work, and sonograms. I started at 8am and didn’t leave until about 5pm. Talk about exhausting. Then, I had a 4 hour trek home, but luckily I passed out in the back seat. I found out that there were lesions that lit up like a christmas tree on my right femur. I also found out that the lymph nodes in my neck are okay for now but eventually I am going to have to start Levinitab. At this current time, I rather not take medication if it isn’t urgent or necessary at this time. MY TSH is still elevated and so is my TGAB AND TG ESSAY, which is a special test they get done in Rochester, NY. Watching the new lymph nodes every two months is fine right now. My doctor will tell me when I need it. I asked if I would have to start it eventually. The answer is YES. Usually for results like this you wait a week to get a call. Scans and treatment options take time which is understandable. I get it but it is also very hard, especially when something new  you weren’t expecting to show up happens. It’s almost like being punched in the gut 1000x.  The waiting game is very difficult. I am sure my Doctor understands. This time around was extremely hard for me. I kept panicking after she told me the news. Maybe the machines are broken on all three machines? Maybe the Radiologist Doctor read this incorrectly? Maybe they have the wrong person, you know? One could only hope that this is not happening.

Maybe this is all a complete freaking nightmare! I will wake up completely fine. How ironic, because last year after my third recurrence and right neck dissection, I kept having more leg pain than usual. Since 2011, I have had peripheral neuropathy and nerve damage in my upper and lower extremities. Yes, for years I have been in a wheelchair for them. But all of a sudden my right thigh a year ago started throbbing and pulsing to the point where I can’t even walk now at all. I can slide my leg with my walker but it is so damn hard. I am pretty much immobile now. The less pressure I put on my bad leg the better. Funny how my right side is always the bad side. Think about how crazy that is. After multiple surgeries, my right leg has always been the worst. God, what more can I take? HOLY CRAP! This is the last thing I need right now. You know I was getting along fine except for the pain. How crazy is it that pain medication such as Tramadol doesn’t even help me. The only thing that helps my pain is Morphine when I go to the hospital. The worst part is the meds, believe it or not, the 4mg through IV only last about a half hour for me. People think I am crazy! Don’t forget I am allergic to every narcotic in the book too. I am not a drug addict. I am just looking for pain relief and it’s been many months. I do not know what it is like to be pain free. Very rarely do I have that feeling and that’s when I am in the damn hospital for Morphine. It is not way to live life. I told my Doctor when I saw her. I can’t deal with this pain.

The next step is to wait for a call from my wonderful new Doctor to go over the next steps and plan.

To be continued.

xoxo Danielle