Another HERO gone too soon..

July 30th, 2018, I rushed to New York, because I found out my Uncle was in the hospital. My Uncle had a stroke, followed by mini strokes. Then the hospital found two cancers.

With great sadness and way too much heartache for my family and I, Uncle Richie suffered for three brutal weeks.  He passed away on August 8, 2018 at 3am. Our family went up to say our goodbyes. As much as it was so hard for me Uncle Richie looked so peaceful.

Want to hear something crazy?

2am my neuropathy was so bad. So, I watched Netflix to keep my mind occupied since music wasn’t cutting it. At 3am, I had a major anxiety attack that woke up my Mother. I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was gasping for air is what I remember. She said I was pacing, breathing heavy and carrying on. Nothing unusual that Nick deals with. I don’t remember much because the last thing I remember was taking a Xanax. So strange that this happened for well over an hour and the time frame creeps me out even more. All I remember was feeling like I was dying. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like someone was strangling me. I haven’t had a very bad panic attack like this since my last surgery.

Mom woke me up at 5:30am because I was right next to her sleeping in bed. She told me Uncle Richie passed at 3:00am. I didn’t say a word. Hours later she goes Danielle, you had a very bad anxiety attack the same hour Uncle Richie passed away. I couldn’t believe it.

I’m grateful Uncle Richie knew my pretty face two weeks ago. He said I love you Dani, two days before I came to NY via FaceTime. I’m grateful I spent a lot of time with him in the hospital. It was too hard. Having to relieve this all over again. F*ING unbearable.

My dad lost another brother to this stupid cancer.

Going to the hospital every other day was hard on me because I can’t take much more heartache and trauma. Mom or someone would wheel me upstairs to his room with the hospital’s wheelchair. Thank god they were available for me.

The last place I should be is at a hospital. I wore gloves and a mask everyday since my immune system isn’t so great. I just wanted to be present. Nothing mattered not even my health. I didn’t give a crap.

Enough is enough. My family has been through so much.

All I want is for everyone to be here and to be cancer free.

This is incredibly hard to watch another family member pass from cancer way too soon. I’m not angry. I’m sick of the heartache and trauma. This is all too much for everyone, not just myself.

___________

To Uncle Richie, Saturday I’ll be drinking for you! I haven’t drank in decades. You’re an amazing Husband, Father, Brother and Uncle. Don’t ever forget that. I’m so relieved your pain free. You suffered too much Unc.

Enjoy drinking and playing cards with everyone including Papa. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again, but just know that we love you very much and we will be by Aunt Linda and Maria’s side forever. I promise you that.

We love you and miss you so much. Life will never be the same without you.  ❤

xoxo Danielle