Tough day today. Swelling is getting worst. Hasn’t gone down yet. Ice packs help somewhat. The swelling gives me anxiety so does the tightness. I’m not massaging my neck because it gives me anxiety. When I touch my neck there’s a stinging sensation. I am also running a fever. Nick said my eyes look really bad. Hopefully the cancer center will take care of the anemia at the end of March. I’m tired of it all. I want everything to just end.
Lying down is brutal but I try to even though it hurts so much. I’m sleeping upright still. I want a massage so badly. My entire upper back is so tense and knotty. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
Recovery is harder than I thought. I can’t do anything and I hate it. However I do lift some stuff. ,Major stuff I cannot do. Showering is exhausting. Putting clothes on is exhausting. I want run far away, to a tropical island. I want to sleep on a hammock with no pills, no phone with a good book.
I’m trapped in this horrible body. I feel like I’m never going to breathe.